What do I need?

I have an online community of friends.  I’ve known some of these women for 10 or more years.  We’ve watched our children grow from infants, toddlers, children, into tweens, teens and beyond.  We’ve shared our joys and our pains.  They were the first group I notified when I started the bleeding that would lead to my cancer diagnosis.  They’re good.  They’re great.  And I listen to what they have to say.

In this case, what they’ve been saying is roughly this:  Lisa, you’re having a hard time, understandably.  People want to help you.  Please let people know what you want or need.

So, OK.  Here’s some of what I want.

People to make dates, rendezvous, appointments, assignations with me.  I want to be with people, but I’m both feeling so worn out and also feeling like I’d be such lousy company that I don’t reach out very well.  Please reach out.

  • Lunch
  • Shopping
  • Pedicure/Asian Foot Massage
  • Art Day
  • Walking/Hiking
  • Movies

A clean house.  Even just a room.

Home cooked meals.  I have a lot of ingredients in my house.  You are welcome to use them.  I’ll even help cook.  I just can’t do it myself.  Vegetarian, vegetables are pluses.  If you need ideas, let me know.  And anyone who can get Sam’s lentil soup recipe (from Blue Dish in San Leandro) will have my utmost respect.

Dream Dinners meals.  Because I am not planning my own meals, I’ve been using this service a lot.  If you want to help out, but are not local, a gift certificate would be useful.

Travel.  Not sure how people can help on this one.  Gift certificates for hotel rooms? Frequent flyer miles?  Definitely a want, not a need.

Weeding in my garden, maybe some digging.  I’m getting a little of this done each week, but the weeds grow a little faster than I weed.

People who will tell me explicitly that it is OK to talk to them about cancer.  People who can be ok with me talking about and learning to accept that my life has been cut much shorter than I’d anticipated.  It’s heavy shit, and it’s hard for me to lay it on anyone else.

Help me find ways to still be in this world.  To be relevant, useful, meaningful.  I know this is depression/grief/sadness speaking, but it’s hard to find that right now.

Reiki, Healing Touch, etc.

This post has, strangely enough, been harder to write than some of my more angsty, crying posts.  Take from that what you will.


4 thoughts on “What do I need?

  1. Lisa, once again you have taken the thoughts from my head and put in print. I think this post is something many folks with cancer or other serious illnesses would like to say, but don’t have the nerve. I will share this post, hope you don’t mind. Huggs@

  2. I think it can be very difficult to put out there what you need, whether you’re dealing with cancer or not. Many of us are taught to be self sufficient, and this just goes against that teaching. I’m having to face that in a lot of areas of my life right now, and let me tell you, it ain’t easy!

  3. Im glad you are reaching out. Our culture has all these sayings that stop out our complicated reality. Im not even going to repeat them here…..but Im glad to know a few things I can do. And talking is one thing I can do?

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