Letter to a friend

There is some freedom for me in knowing there isn’t a cure for what ails me. I may not know the way my cancer path will meander. I may not know how long my path my stretch, though I do know it will be shorter than I’d like. I do know where it will end – not with a cure, but with death.

I know that, to some, this may sound fatalistic, or that I’ve given up. But I haven’t. (Though I think I deserve the right to be fatalistic now and then.) I simply want to focus on living and making it the best life I can.

I feel I have a bit of freedom in that I don’t have to waste my time and energy hoping for a cure, for my salvation, as it were. I don’t have to go to battle to try to save my life, trying desperately to change the path I’m on, guessing which treatment might keep me from dying.

Instead, I get to make choices about how to live my days. I get to think about the things that are truly important to me. I have the chance to examine my life. I have the chance to examine my death. I have the chance to come to terms with a shortened life span, with death that will be sooner, rather than later.

I want to share all of this with you. I want you to be with me on my journey through cancer, as you’ve been with me through other journeys – painful, happy, joyful, scary.  I want you to understand my journey, so listen.  I want to understand your journey, so don’t be afraid to talk.

Please don’t be upset if I choose to find ways to accept my path rather than fight against it.  I want it to be as joyful as possible, and that requires, at least for me, a certain sense of peace.  I haven’t attained that peace yet, but that is my goal.

That,  and sharing good times and laughter and tears with you.

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7 thoughts on “Letter to a friend

  1. I’m glad you put it that way. Spending one’s precious time hoping for a cure does help some people, but not everybody.
    You are right that time is very precious. Savor every minute!

  2. Your cancer, your journey. It’s a hard concept for many people – including those with cancer, and those who love them – to understand, let alone accept. So in awe of you for having the courage to look within deeply enough to define your purpose and destinations to the degrees you can.

  3. This post shows how much you are working on your sh*t—you must be processing your grief 24/7. I have complete respect for you.

  4. I just caught up and read this. Lisa your writing is so very powerful. In my travels it seems some people don’t want to “go there” and believe that being positive is the only path. I feel that being real (which may be anything) takes a lot of strength to feel what you feel, communicate it to other people and be authentic and engaged with other people around you. :0 xoxoxox

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