Orange is the New Black Hairstyle Roulette

Once again, my hair looks crazy.  I did call it when I said I could use my cancer drug to create striped hair.  I’ve got stripes of blonde, stripes of grey, stripes of dark brown, stripes of lighter brown.  I feel the need to look like I’ve actually planned my hair color.

And so I bring you the Orange is the New Black Hairstyle Roulette.  Pick a color, pick a style.  They don’t have to match.

Here we go.

The Morello

The Morello

Morello, our favorite feisty, bus driving stalker, has hair that is close to my natural color.  I know the brown will look good, but it’ll be a bear to keep up – and anyone who knows me knows that upkeep is not my forte.  My hair is currently about the same length as pictured above, so that length wouldn’t take any effort on my part at all.  WIN!  But, really, it’s a little tame.


The Red

The Red

I don’t think I’ll ever be quite as bad ass as Red, but I have dreams that I’ll be able to cook again (though hopefully better than her prison fare.)  I’ve never rocked hair quite as Heat Miser red as Red does, but that could be a fun change.  Again, upkeep.  My hair probably won’t spike as well as hers, but it often has a mind of its own, so a medium short cut would be easy.



The Nicky

I admire Nicky’s sarcastic humor.  I aspire to it, actually.  I have done Nicky’s more orange-red hair color, and I think it works pretty convincingly on me.  I’m not entirely thrilled about long hair, but I know that my husband would love me if I let it grow as long as Nicky’s.  But, again, upkeep on the color, and trying to tame it with the length – ugh!


The Yoga Jones

The Yoga Jones

Now, supposedly, peacemaker Yoga Jones and I hail from the same area.  But while she was growing pot, I was just doing the growing up, going to college thing.  Jones’ hair is the closest to the color that is growing now, thanks to the Votrient.  (Premature grey, premature menopause, and on top of that, cancer?  Yay!)  So, this hair color would be the least amount of work on my part.  I enjoy the ease of a short hairstyle, or if I feel like shanking someone, I can let the hair grow out and channel Taslitz, one of the senior inmates.


The Miss Rosa

The Miss Rosa

Miss Rosa has been living with cancer in prison.  Cancer sucks.  Dying of cancer sucks.  Dying of cancer in prison?  Well, maybe that won’t be happening.  I’ve always thought it would be interesting to shave my head.  But, no, I’m not going there.  I just think Miss Rosa is the bomb.


The Showrunner

The Showrunner

Jenji Kohen is Orange is the New Black’s showrunner.  Apparently, what you see is her way of dealing with grey.  Given the similarity of our hair length, curls, and face shape, I think I could probably pull the style and the color off.

So, what say you?  Give me the color and style combination you think I should go with.


5 thoughts on “Orange is the New Black Hairstyle Roulette

  1. Have you been to a wig shop and try on different colors and styles? I say go with whatever makes you feel powerful! I became a red hair about 15 years ago and my hair is long now… I put it in ponytail or pile it on my head. But that is what works for me, you do your own thing 🙂

  2. rectalcancermyass is smart. Try wigs on! Or maybe you have already changed it?
    I just bought a box of hot pink hair color…I have been sporting the your hair is so pretty with it’s natural gray and highlights for about 3 years. I am sick of it. sick to death.

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