The past couple of days I’ve felt like crying a lot. It could be from the amount of stuff we’ve had going on lately (though really, not too much), the complete melt down of the boy-man-child (what do you call a kid who is 6 foot plus, almost 200 pounds, but really only 15?) the other night, frustration at my painting, a touch of depression, or cancer. Probably it’s some undealt with stress over the CT scan I’ll have tomorrow.
It’s a scheduled one, for as much as we schedule these things. The last one was in October, and all was fine. By fine, I mean that there was no marked growth and there was some shrinkage of the cancer in my body. Chances are good that this scan coming up will show the same thing. But there’s still always that stress that pops up before a scan.
I’ve been lucky to be able to make appointments for my scans that are less than 36 (often less than 12) hours from when I call. That really helps keep the anxiety down. This time, though, it was more like 4 days out. Not so much fun.
So today I’m working on breathing deeply. I dusted off the Enya album (figuratively – it’s on my iPhone) and listened to it while I was in traffic today. I’m going to go focus on pretty fabrics after I finish writing this, and will try to remove all thoughts of cancer, scans, etc., from my mind.
Denial does have its benefits.