In addition to the general fatigue and pain that cancer or its treatments can bring, the other reasons I’ve been having difficulty walking are on my feet. I’ve got a painful corn on the bottom of one foot, and until this week, an ingrown toenail on the other.
I feel like I’m constantly doing cost benefit analysis with every part of my life, whether it is in terms of physical energy, emotional energy, or financial resources. Do I buy the not inexpensive face cream? It’s not like I have to worry about wrinkles 10 years from now. (Please ignore the ones I already have).
When my toenail started getting painful, I put off visiting the doctor, all in the name of frugality. Maybe also some martyrdom thrown in to spice it up. And maybe a bit of “I just don’t want to see a doctor if it isn’t life threatening, cause I’m sick of the hospital .” It finally hit me how stupid this was. Here I’ve been trying to advocate for myself with palliative care, etc., and yet I wasn’t going to allow myself to have a simple procedure that would greatly increase my quality of life. What is wrong with that?
So that morning I called Kaiser and had an appointment 7 hours later. No pain from the procedure, except the initial shot. It is easy to take care of, and though I’m hobbling around, I’ve been doing that one way or another for the last few months. In a few days, I probably won’t have any pain at all from that foot.
What was I waiting for? DUH.
In other news, between my scan results, going off two meds, and taking a marijuana tincture once or twice a day, I’ve been feeling good, emotionally and physically. My fatigue has lessened, and my outlook is positive. I’m even planning a trip to a big quilt show next February. Because, of course, I’m going to be alive and kicking then.
And here’s my toe.