Sixty to zero

I started this morning with an easy school drop off followed by breakfast with friends. Headed home, and spent an hour or so doing guided meditation and the new stretching exercises that the physical therapist assigned me, while listening to some healing music that was assigned by the woman who leads me, long distance, in meditation. At noon, I was showered, refreshed, relaxed and ready for a quick trip to the pharmacy and then a support group.

Sounds like I’m taking great care of myself, right?

By 1:00, I was a total mess.

I order almost all of my meds through the Kaiser website, and have them shipped to my home. Very efficient and easy. However, both the Votrient. and now the Inlyta. had to be picked up at the pharmacy. After waiting in line for almost half an hour. with my body becoming more and more sore and weak, I was told that my prescriptions weren’t ready (Though the website said they’d be ready yesterday), that two probably weren’t even there yet, but if they were, the woman who dealt with incoming orders was on break, and wouldn’t be back for an hour.

I wasnt able to handle it well. I’d just used up my very last “spoon” of energy standing in line, and with it went all ability to cope. Lots of tears were shed. An f-bomb was dropped.  Only one.

Eventually, I was able to get two of the three scripts I’d come for, and got the promise that they’d call me when the 3rd one was ready.  A volunteer wheelchaired me out to my car, where I rested for a while before heading home to sleep for a while.

It was a humiliating experience. I couldn’t stop crying. I could barely move. I was in pain, uncomfortable, exhausted. And I couldn’t do anything about it. Ultimately, I felt my confidence in my abilities even more shaken.

I usually try to end all my posts on an upbeat note, but I’m having difficulty getting to that space. I really just want to curl up, away from the world, for a while.

However, one possibly hopeful note is this – one of the meds is for hypothyroidism, which my doc said I’m experiencing. Once the med starts working, I might have a bit more energy than I’ve had, and that would be greatly appreciated.

12 thoughts on “Sixty to zero

  1. Lisa- you are strong! Today was nonsense and I’m sorry you were put through this ridiculous scenario. We have good days and days that we put behind us. Tomorrow is a better day!

  2. oh gosh yes! That thyroid will do wonders!! I am a sister in the hypothyroid club and clearly remember the first day I took synthroid it felt like a wave of energy was going through me (no joke, though I know most people don’t have that experience0. Sorry your day was sucky. Wish I could have waited in line instead of you. Wishing more energy and fewer F-bombs for you tomorrow.

  3. Lisa,
    Sounds like a horrible Kaiser experience. If you ever need me to go get your meds for you, please do not hesitate to ask.

  4. Lisa,
    I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find comfort in know that people you don’t know, are praying for you. Hoping your meds relieve you of your anxiety, stress and most of all, pain!!

  5. Fucking Kaiser! I had such a miserable experience at the one in San Leandro, I started driving out to the one in Pleasanton instead. I take the back road – off the hwy, and it’s a nice quiet drive. And when I’m done and feel up to it, you can just pop into the mall. Sorry you had this experience. 😦

  6. Poor you! I find the key is often when I am having a decent day of self-care at home, it’s best for me to stay home. It seems once other people/orgs get into the mix, things go off the rails.

    You need to congratulate yourself for holing it together and only letting out one F-bomb—that situation was screaming out for more! Waiting in line at a pharmacy for half an hour?? Do they not know that people picking up pills are usually sick? I’m so sorry it wiped out your reserves of not just energy, but well being, pain-free status and patience. Crying in public sucks, especially when you are too tired to really care, because then the tears just come and come.

    I hope your sleep was successful in bringing back some calm. Be very kind to yourself and build up the energy slowly. Maybe review all your beautiful fabric supplies—I know looking at my beads soothes me and gets my creativity going. That always helps.

    Take care.

  7. If you’re suffering from hypothyroidism, correcting that will make a huge difference in how you feel. If I miss my synthroid for more than a couple of days, I can really, really tell that I’m off my mark.

    Good luck with getting all your meds straight – and no more troubles with your pharmacy!

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