What next?

The past week has probably been the hardest most stressful week that I’ve had since I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. I’m using the voice typing to write this post because my wrist is weird still and typing just makes it weirder.

On Monday I went to the doctor a GP. he looked at my arm and pretty much immediately called the neurologist on call. that doctor was down in the office within 10 minutes. he determined that he wanted me to have an MRI which I agreed to as I have had MRIs before with no problem. Unfortunately when I got into the room all the stress that I’ve been dealing with just blew up and I couldn’t get the MRI done. the next morning after an hour long massage, a couple of ativan, and feeling totally relaxed,  I got back to the radiology waiting room and before I could even go in just broke down again, and wasn’t able to do the MRI.  They finally agreed to let me do a CT scan on Wednesday and thar evening I got the call from the neurologist that I have a lesion in my brain. The cancer is about 1.6 centimeters. It is in the front of my brain and it is pushing against parts of my brain which caused my arm to stop working. Wednesday night I started taking steroids, and that has helped my arm start working again. Unfortunately, my wrist still gets very tired, still feels weird, and it gives me the heebie jeebies. So I’m having to struggle through pain, discomfort, agitation, and anxiety. It has been a very rough week.

I have a referral to a neurosurgeon and I expect that sometime in the next few weeks I will be having A operation to remove the cancerous lesion in my head in my brain. I can’t imagine why I’m so anxious. for now struggling to keep the anxiety to a level I can control but it’s very very difficult. I’m managing with multiple sessions of guided meditation each day. Reil rubs my back or my feet, often sometimes in conjunction with the guided meditation. I have had two massages last week, and one more tomorrow. and still I find myself walking through the house each day just crying. it’s hard for me to do anything. the things I love to do tend to use my hands – sewing writing coloring playing on the computer.it all just wears me out.  I’m bored. I have nothing to do nothing that won’t just push me further into agitation and anxiety.

I keep trying to feel hopeful, but that’s an emotion that’s been difficult to find lately.

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7 thoughts on “What next?

  1. I only hope you feel the love of all your readers as we pray for you and your family. You are the strongest woman I have had the privilege of (not) knowing and you are an inspiration to so many. I pray for comfort, mercy, and grace for you and your family.

  2. It just occurred to me that I have a relative with some frontal lobe damage and it causes him to be very emotional, swings even. Perhaps the lesion is to blame?

  3. Hello. I have Stage IV kidney cancer also, probably have had it for at least 4 to 5 years, diagnosed a year ago. Nothing Western medicine can do for me. So I have turned completely to alternative, integrative medicine. If you haven’t read “Radical Remission” yet, I strongly recommend it. Turned my life around. I’m also getting IV turmeric and take cannabis (which is legal in Oregon) every night. There is a cook book entitled “Cancer Fighting Kitchen” which might be useful to you. I am too ill to do my own cooking now, so my husband uses that book for our food. Isn’t the fatigue just awful! My God. I will send you as much healing energy as I can now, and will follow your bog. Mine is http://www.SusanShawnAlive.Wordpress.com
    Best of luck in the coming weeks.

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