Another day of writing while lying down and exhausted. But this time with a better mindset.
My family spent the morning in our first family therapy session., which was provided through the Cancer Support Community in Walnut Creek. I can’t say enough good things about this organization. We go to the monthly Kids Circle, which are for families where a parent has cancer. That’s been an extremely important resource for us all. I’ve done individual therapy through them, and now we get family therapy, too. It’s all free for us.
The session went well, though it was different, and easier, than I thought it would be – I was all geared up for the heavy discussions the adults have in Kids Circle. The counselor got us to talk about our family dynamics, and gave us an exercise to do, which lightly pushed some buttons, but only lightly. As expected, one kid had very little to say, while the other was cautiously talkative. I had to just remember to sit back and shut up.
I’m hoping that we all gain more skills to help deal with my sickness and death. I also want to help Reil and the kids better figure out what the family dynamics are going to look like when I’m gone.
This afternoon, Molly and I joined her friends to paint pottery. I loved painting and hanging out and listening to and watching the girls. But two hours of painting completely wore me out. Now that we are all back home, I’ve popped some pain killers and am stuck on my bed. I wish I could be more involved, bustling around the kitchen, getting snacks and drinks, but today, the painting with the girls is what I could manage.
It was kind of heartwrenching for me in counseling when Molly’s response to how things have changed was that lately I’m in bed a lot more often.
I’m starting to think about what changes we will need to make around the house at some point. Obviously a potty stand at some point. Ugh. My room is cozy, but sometimes it feels cut off from the rest of my house. Maybe we’ll eventually get a TV and bring comfy chairs in here to be together. I probably need more or better pillows for reclining in bed. Whatever. We will make it work.
I will make a big list of food (in fact, that’s what the exercise was today), but it’ll require me to be at my computer, which is way more than I can manage right now.