I feel like each of my posts or days may be more full of self pity than the last. My brain seems a little more clear – when l’m not sleeping. But still not quite enough to rouse me into doing anything.
I feel trapped in my body. There’s not much strength. I can’t get around much without others – no autonomy.
I sat in my wheelchair in my room today, and organized a few things on the table which is too tall for me to use. My arms and hands might not be strong enough anyhow. But I got to see a different view for a little while. And there might be another table to use.
I think that next Friday I’ll receive a new chair which is not so wide and will go through my door, and give me access to the whole house. I wouldn’t feel so trapped.
Of course none of this matters if my body won’t stay awake. Or if I can’t find motivation, which somehow seem related.